The Big Bang Theory The Memaw Reoccourance
by Chris Colon
Summary: Sheldon skips work to go on a secret mission. Howard tricks Penny into helping to follow Sheldon. Penny learns history has a way of repeating itself.


INT. UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA

(Leonard, Howard, Raj)

HOWARD AND RAJ ARE ALREADY SITTING DOWN AT THE CAFETERIA TABLE. RAJ IS WEARING A BOW TIE. LEONARD APPROACHES WITH HIS TRAY AND SITS DOWN.

LEONARD

(SITTING DOWN)

Good afternoon gentlemen.

HOWARD

Where's Sheldon?

LEONARD

What am I, his handler?

Raj

Come to think of it; yes.

Leonard

(SARCASTICALLY)

Ha, ha. Real funny.

(SERIOUSLY)

Sheldon didn't come with me. He told me to go on to work without him.

HOWARD

Is he sick? As far as I can remember he's never missed a day of work.

LEONARD

No, he seemed fine. When I tried to find out why he wanted to stay home, he got all 'Sheldon-y' on me.

HOWARD AND RAJ NOD IN AGREEMENT. HOWARD PULLS OUT HIS SMART PHONE. HE SCROLLS THROUGH THE SCREENS

HOWARD

I wonder what he's not telling us. There aren't any new video games or DVDs coming out today. It's not new comic book day and there isn't anything cool hitting the theaters.

LEONARD

I don't know, he just seemed adamant about me leaving without him.

HOWARD

And you're not the least bit curious about what he's doing today?

LEONARD

I learned a long time ago, not to question the things Sheldon does.

RAJ

If you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss will stare back into you.

HOWARD

(TO RAJ)

I told you; no Friedrich Nietzsche at the table.

RAJ

I don't know, dude. I've just been on a nihilist kick.

LEONARD

I didn't know nihilists wear bow ties. So why are you dressed up like a ventriloquist's dummy?

RAJ

I think I figured out why I haven't been able to talk to women.

LEONARD

Do you mean besides other than that fact that you have a crippling disability, that renders you physically unable to speak to women.

Raj

Well...

(PAUSES)

yeah. You see every time I try to talk to girl, I try to be suave and sophisticated.

Leonard

So you're saying...

RAJ

(INTERRUPTING)

...I'm trying to be something that I am not. I'm not smooth, I'm not sophisticated I'm a...

HOWARD

(INTERRUPTING)

...huge nerd?

RAJ

Actually, yes. So instead of trying to get a girl that's out of my league. I should try to get a girl that's a...

HOWARD

(INTERRUPTING)

...huge nerd?

RAJ

Yes. You see, Leonard, you're relationship with Penny has given us all false hope.

LEONARD

So you're saying you can't get laid, because I'm with Penny?

Raj

Yes. Why fight nature? I'm a nerd. We're all nerds. Statistics and evolution say that we will only procreate with other nerds. Howard has Bernadette. Sheldon has Amy Farrah Fowler. Out of the four of us, that's more than fifty percent. You are the exception that proves the rule. Hence, I have a seventy percent chance of hooking up with a nerd as opposed to my twenty five percent chance of hooking up with a hottie.

Leonard

(NODDING IN AGREEMENT)

The math is solid.

HOWARD

Raj, buddy, you're going about this all wrong. Let me tell you. If you want to meet women all you have to get is one of these.

HOWARD HOLDS UP HIS WEDDING RING

HOWARD

You see, women assume all single men are potential creeps. If you wear a ring, it signifies to the world that you have already landed a woman. It's like getting pre-screened for a job interview. Once a women sees you wearing that ring, that means somebody else has already done the background check and you've cleared the process. And that makes you instantly attractive to the opposite sex.

Leonard

There's only one flaw in that logic.

Howard

What is that?

Leonard

No ethical woman, wants to steal a man from a committed relationship. That just means, that he'd could just as easily be stolen from the new woman.

Howard

You see Leonard, I think that's the only reason you, a man of your nerd ilk, has bagged a hottie like Penny. You think like a woman. I unfortunately, can only think like a man. Women only want, what other women have. It's just makes you more desirable... forbidden fruit and all.

(TO RAJ)

Ever since I got this wedding ring, I've been beating the women off with a stick.

LEONARD

That's true, because before Bernadette you were only beating yourself off.

OPENING CREDITS

ACT ONE SCENE A

INT. LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT

(Sheldon, Howard)

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE-ESQUE MUSIC PLAYS AS SHELDON SNEAKS OUT OF HIS BEDROOM INTO THE EMPTY APARTMENT. HE IS CHECKING THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM LIKE A SPY SCANNING FOR BUGGING DEVICES. HE FLIPS OVER SOFA CUSHIONS CHECKS UNDER THE COFFEE TABLE AND DRAWS THE CURTAINS ON THE WINDOW. STILL JUMPY, HE TIPTOES HIS WAY TO HIS DESK AND PULLS OUT A MANILA ENVELOPE. BEFORE OPENING, HE DOUBLE-CHECKS JUST TO MAKE SURE THERE IS NOBODY AROUND. HE OPENS THE ENVELOPE.

SFX. CELL PHONE RINGS

SHELDON

(SHRIEKS AND INADVERTENTLY TOSSES THE ENVELOPE)

Ahh!

STILL SHAKEN AND SURPRISED BY THE CELL PHONE RINGING, SHELDON CHECKS THE CALLER ID AND ANSWERS

SHELDON

What's the password?

(PAUSES AND WAITS FOR ANSWER. HE GETS FRUSTRATED)

What is the password?

(PAUSES AGAIN FOR THE ANSWER)

Look, I told you. I will not participate in your project unless we use the utmost discretion. Now if you do not tell me the password I will be forced to terminate this phone call, immediately.

(AS IF HE GOT THE PROPER ANSWER)

Thank you. Now will you tell me the backup password, just to assure me that you you haven't been compromised.

(SHELDON PULLS THE PHONE AWAY FROM HIS HEAD AS IF THE PERSON IS SCREAMING AND CURSING ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE)

Well you didn't have to add all those extra expletives to the backup password. So by my watch, you should be here by thirteen hundred hours...

(AS IF ANSWERING A QUESTION ON THE OTHER END OF THE CALL)

Thirteen hundred hours...

(FRUSTRATED)

One, P.M., okay? Okay. Now I received the package you sent. But I won't do anything until you get here.

(AS IF ANSWERING A QUESTION)

Because you contacted me. You wanted the best, so naturally, I was top of that list. But we only have one chance to get this right. And I refuse to let this project go forth without one hundred percent cooperation on your behalf. Thank you. Have a safe journey and make sure you're not being tailed.

AS SOON AS SHELDON HANGS UP THE PHONE, IT RINGS AGAIN. HE ANSWERS IT QUICKLY. AS HE DOES, THE SCREEN SPLITS AND WE SEE HOWARD, IN HIS UNIVERSITY OFFICE, ON THE OTHER END OF THIS CALL.

SHELDON

I told you that it's best that we keep communication to a minimum.

HOWARD

Really? Because I love talking to you.

SHELDON

Howard?

HOWARD

(SING-SONGY, ALMOST DREAMY)

Hello. So what are you doing?

SHELDON

That is none of your business. And I am offended that you would even take time out of your day to call and harass me. Aren't there some lug nuts that need tightening on your astronaut toilet?

HOWARD

If I didn't know any better Sheldon, I would think you are trying to offend me.

SHELDON

You don't know any better and that's why you only got your Masters in engineering. You're wasting your time. You're not going to get any information out of me.

HOWARD

Keeping secrets from your best friends Sheldon? That's not the social convention.

Sheldon

I'll have you know Howard, that I read a very interesting paper on psychology. Behaviorist John B. Watson, says that keeping secrets, is not only healthy, but essential to one's identity.

HOWARD

Oh well, I guess you just decided to take a day off from work to go goof off.

SHELDON

(UPSET)

I'll have you know, that I am working on a very important project, that yes, supersedes any work I am currently doing at the university.

HOWARD

(GIDDY)

I'm intrigued. Tell me more.

SHELDON

Well you see, it has to do with...

(HE CATCHES HIMSELF)

I see what you're doing and I'll have none of it. I'm glad that I've read those psychology papers. It's obvious that you are trying to manipulate me into giving you information that I am unwilling to divulge.

HOWARD

(CONDESCENDINGLY)

No I'm not.

SHELDON

(ALMOST EMBARRASSED)

Oh, well if that's the case...

(CATCHES HIMSELF AGAIN)

Hey ?!

HOWARD

You can't blame me for trying.

SHELDON

I'm ending this phone call now.

HOWARD

Goodbye, Ferris Bueller.

Sheldon

Who?

HOWARD

Goodbye Sheldon.

SHELDON HANGS UP THE PHONE.

SCENE B

INT. LEONARD'S OFFICE

(Leonard, Raj, and Howard)

RAJ AND LEONARD ARE TALKING. LEONARD IS ADJUSTING PRISMS ON HIS LASER AS RAJ SITS AT HIS LAPTOP OFF TO THE SIDE.

LEONARD

(ALMOST IN MID-SENTENCE)

...I wouldn't even know where to start. I never tried to answer that question before.

RAJ

But where would a nerdy guy meet a nerdy girl? Everywhere we go, it's always a sausage party. Surprisingly enough, there were plenty of girlslast year's Oktoberfest.

LEONARD

And remember that was an actual sausage-fest.

(PAUSES TO THINK)

Well, there's always Comic-Con. There's plenty of scantily clad nerdy girls there.

RAJ

Except for that time when I found out Sailor Moon was actually a Sailor Man.

LEONARD

(IN THE THEME OF THE SONG 'POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN', PUMPING HIS FIST)

Toot, toot.

Raj

What?

LEONARD

Nothing, just an American reference.

HOWARD WALKS INTO LEONARD'S OFFICE LOOKING DETERMINED.

HOWARD

Give me your keys.

LEONARD

What?

HOWARD

Give me your house keys.

LEONARD

Why?

HOWARD

I have to find out what Sheldon is doing. The curiosity is killing me. His behavior is more unusual than...

(PAUSES)

well, usual.

LEONARD

And you think, that you can just stroll in here and expect me to give you my house keys, just because you asked?

HOWARD

Umm? Yeah.

LEONARD

Do you have any idea how many rules that breaks in the roommate agreement?

HOWARD

Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound now?

LEONARD

Yeah, you're right. But that still doesn't justify me giving you my house keys just so you can spy on Sheldon.

HOWARD

Well we can all go.

THE CAMERA SHIFTS IN BETWEEN LEONARD AND RAJ CONTEMPLATING, AND HOWARD WITH A PROUD SMILE ON HIS FACE

SCENE C

INT. 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY

(Leonard, Howard, Raj, Penny, Sheldon, Missy)

LEONARD, HOWARD AND RAJ CLIMB THE STAIRS AND APPROACH THE APARTMENT DOOR

LEONARD

(SHUSHING HOWARD AND RAJ, WHISPERING)

Shhh. I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

HOWARD

(WHISPERING)

Oh, come on. You wanted to come here just as bad as me. Besides there's a possibility that Sheldon isn't even here.

LEONARD

(WHISPERING)

Where else would he go?

RAJ

(WHISPERING)

Maybe the zoo?

LEONARD

(WHISPERING)

What? you think he went to the zoo?

RAJ

(WHISPERING)

No, I think I figured out where to meet nerdy women; at the zoo. I'm cute, cuddly and fuzzy. Kinda like a panda bear with a charming accent.

LEONARD

(WHISPERING)

This isn't the time to discuss this.

FROM THE APARTMENT, THE GUYS HEAR FEMALE LAUGHTER. THEY RUSH QUICKLY BUT QUIETLY TO THE DOOR AND PRESS THEIR EARS AGAINST IT.

HOWARD

(WHISPERING)

Who was that?

LEONARD

(WHISPERING)

If I knew, I wouldn't be pressing my ear against my own damned door with you two idiots, now would I?

RAJ

(WHISPERING)

I could probably meet nerdy girls at a green house or maybe the botanical gardens.

LEONARD HAS A CHANGE OF HEART. HE HAS A LOOK OF DISGUST ON HIS FACE AS HE PULLS HIS HEAD AWAY FROM THE DOOR.

LEONARD

That's it. This is so stupid, not to mention, intrusive.

HOWARD

Shh, will you lower you voice?

LEONARD

I will not. You can stay here and encroach on Sheldon's privacy. I'm going to leave before he finds out that we were here. The last thing I need, is for Sheldon to get mad and shoot me a freeze ray or shrink ray or whatever he's working on in there. I'm going back to work.

LEONARD STORMS DOWN THE STAIRS. RAJ CHASES AFTER HIM.

RAJ

Dude, do you think on the way back, we can stop off at the zoo...or maybe the botanical gardens.

HOWARD STAYS BEHIND STILL WITH HIS EAR STILL PRESSED AGAINST THE DOOR. HE HEARS ANOTHER BURST OF LAUGHTER FROM INSIDE THE APARTMENT. HE SPEAKS TO HIMSELF.

HOWARD

That certainly isn't Amy's laugh. What are you doing in there, you dirty dog? Wait, What day is today?

HOWARD GLANCES AT PENNY'S DOOR AND GETS A WICKED SMILE ON HIS FACE. LIGHT ON HIS FEET, HE MAKES HIS WAY TO PENNY'S DOOR AND STARTS KNOCKING HARD AND FAST. IN A MOMENT PENNY ANSWERS TO THE INCESSANT KNOCKING.

Penny

Howard? What's going on?

HOWARD

(PRETENDING TO BE OUT OF BREATH AND PANICKY)

Penny. Thank goodness you're home! I need your spare key for Leonard's apartment!

PENNY

Why?! What's happening?

HOWARD

(STILL PRETENDING TO PANIC)

Sheldon stood home from work today. I called to check up on him and the phone went dead and he's not answering. So I rushed from the university to check up on him. I need your keys. It's an emergency.

PENNY

Sure. Give me on second.

PENNY RUSHES INTO THE APARTMENT AND FINDS THE KEYS AND RUSHES UP TO HOWARD, STILL STANDING IN THE DOORWAY, BLOCKING HER WAY.

PENNY

Let's go.

HOWARD

(REALIZING THAT HE WASN'T EXPECTING PENNY TO COME WITH HIM)

Well...I should go alone.

PENNY

(UPSET)

And why is that ?!

HOWARD

(TRYING TO THINK UP AN ANSWER)

Um...he may be in his underwear?

PENNY

I've pretty much lived in that apartment, Howard. I know Sheldon never walks around in his underwear. I'd be surprised if he doesn't shower in his pajamas. Besides, he's already seen me naked in the bathtub...

HOWARD

(SPACING OUT, ALMOST DAYDREAMING)

Oh, man, and that lucky bastard has a photographic memory.

Penny shakes the set of keys, trying to snap Howard out of his daydream.

PENNY

Um, Hello?! Sheldon needs our help.

HOWARD

(STILL DAYDREAMING)

No, no, no, give me a sec.

PENNY

Out of the way, horn dog.

PENNY PUSHES HOWARD OF THE WAY AND MAKES HER WAY TO LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT. HOWARD CHASES AFTER HER.

HOWARD

Wait, wait, wait. I really think you should let me go in there, by myself.

PENNY UNLOCKS THE DOOR

PENNY

You said this is an emergency. It's not time for modesty.

PENNY RUSHES INTO THE APARTMENT AND HOWARD FOLLOWS. WE SEE SHELDON AND HIS SISTER, MISSY COOPER. THERE ARE DOCUMENTS AND PICTURES STREWN THROUGHOUT THE APARTMENT, COVERING EVERY POSSIBLE SURFACE. MISSY IS HUNCHED OVER THE COFFEE TABLE ORGANIZING PAPERS AS SHELDON STANDS BY HIS DESK USING A DOCUMENT SCANNER. BOTH SHELDON AND MISSY LOOK SURPRISED BY THE INTRUSION. PENNY HAS A CONFUSED LOOKS ON THEIR FACES. HOWARD IS POKING HIS HEAD FROM BEHIND HER.

END OF ACT ONE

COMMERCIAL BREAK

ACT TWO SCENE D

INT. LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT

(Howard, Penny, Sheldon, Missy)

CONTINUATION FROM THE LAST SCENE. SHELDON AND MISSY ARE SURPRISED BY PENNY AND HOWARD INTRUDING.

SHELDON

Can someone tell me what is going on here?!

PENNY

(WORRIED)

Sheldon, are you okay!?

SHELDON

Yes indeed, I am okay. Can you please tell why you are using the emergency apartment key to trespass.

PENNY

Howard told me this was an emergency. He said that you were sick and that you might be passed out in here.

SHELDON

(TO HOWARD)

Is this true? What could possibly make you think that something is wrong going on here?

HOWARD

(SHEEPISHLY)

It's just that Leonard said... You know, that you were sick and I was concerned.

Missy

(TO SHELDON)

Aw Shelly, don't be so hard on him. It's good to have friends that are looking out for you. You know Mom and me, we worry about being out here, so far away from home.

(TO HOWARD AND PENNY)

You know, Sheldon had so much trouble making friends when he was growing up.

PENNY

(SARCASTICALLY)

You're kidding.

Missy

(NOT GETTING THE JOKE)

No, really if it wasn't for me I don't think he would gone a whole day without getting a wedgie.

SHELDON

Well, seeing that you were the on applying the wedgies, I'm sure that you could have prevented some of them from happening.

HOWARD WALKS OVER TO THE COUCH AND PICKS UP ONE OF THE MANY SCATTERED PHOTOS.

Howard

What are you guys doing?

SHELDON RUNS OVER TO HOWARD AND TRIES TO GET THE PHOTO OUT OF HOWARD'S HAND

sHELDON

(ANXIOUS)

You put that down, now! That picture is over 40 years old and I will not have you getting your fingerprints all over it. This is a delicate treasure.

HOWARD EASILY SNAGS THE PHOTO AWAY FROM SHELDON AND PLAYS "KEEP AWAY" WITH THE PHOTO

Sheldon

Missy will you help stop this monster from destroying a piece of our family's history.

MISSY

It's the second grade, all over again.

Penny

I thought Sheldon was a bit more advanced in school.

Missy

He was. While I was in second grade, Sheldon was already taking fifth grades classes. But that didn't stop the first graders from picking on him.

Penny

First graders? Really?

BEFORE SHELDON OR MISSY COULD ANSWER, HOWARD STILL TWISTING HIS BODY TO KEEP THE PHOTO AWAY FROM SHELDON. WHILE HOLDING BACK SHELDON WITH ONE ARM HE GLANCES AT THE PHOTO AND SQUINTS HIS EYES AS IF HE CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HE IS SEEING.

Howard

Hold on a second. What are you guys doing? And who is the hottie in this picture?

Sheldon

(STILL STRUGGLING WITH HOWARD)

I'll have you know that, Missy and I preparing a scrapbook for our Memaw's birthday, We are documenting her life. She's going to love it. And I will not have you referring to my Memaw as a...a...hottie.

(SEEKING AID FROM MISSY)

Will you help me here?

MISSY COMES OVER TO HELP SHELDON

Missy

Out of the way, Shelly.

SHELDON

I asked you to stop calling me that.

HOWARD

(STILL HOLDING THE PHOTO)

Wait, wait, wait, look.

(HOWARD TO MISSY)

Who does this look like?

SHELDON

(DISTRESSED)

It looks like my Memaw!

HOWARD HANDS THE PHOTO TO MISSY

Missy

(KNOWINGLY)

Oh, I see it now.

MISSY HOLDS UP THE PHOTO AND TAKES A FEW STEPS TOWARDS PENNY. HOWARD WALKS ALONG WITH HER. PENNY LOOKS QUIZZICAL AS THE SMILING MISSY AND HOWARD APPROACH HER, PHOTO OUTSTRETCHED

PENNY

(CONFUSED)

What?

SHELDON

(FRIGHTENED)

Yeah!? What !?

HOWARD

(TO PENNY)

It's you?

PENNY

Huh?

MISSY

It's you. Well I mean, it's not you. But, I would bet my deep fried giblets, that this was you in this old picture.

PENNY TAKES THE PHOTO, AND MOVES IT BACK AND FORTH FROM HER FACE. SHE SQUINTS HER EYES THEN THEY BULGE WITH SURPRISE

PENNY

(TO SHELDON)

Oh my God, Sheldon. Missy and  
Howard are right. I do look like your grandmother.

SHELDON

(SKEPTICAL)

That's impossible.

SHELDON STORMS OVER TO GRAB THE PHOTO OUT OF PENNY'S HANDS, ALMOST KNOCKING HER OVER AND SNATCHES THE PHOTO

Penny

I thought these were delicate treasures?

SHELDON

They certainly are.

SHELDON STARES AT THE PHOTO. HE TAKES A LONG PAUSE FOR EFFECT. HIS HEAD SWIVELS FROM THE PHOTO TO TO PENNY, SEVERAL TIMES.

MISSY

You know Sheldon, with that big brain of yours, I'm amazed you have seen this connection before.

HOWARD

(BRAGGING)

Now, now, when it comes to big brains, I guess all the credit goes to me.

HOWARD SHOOTS A OVERLY CONFIDENT, FLIRTY SMILE AT MISSY. MISSY LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE

Penny

You do remember your married, right?

HOWARD BLATANTLY MOVES HIS HAND UP CARESS TO HIS CHIN, DOING HIS BEST TO DISPLAY HIS WEDDING RING

HOWARD

(FAKING ACKNOWLEDGMENT TO PENNY WHILE TALKING TOWARDS MISSY)

Oh yeah, that's right. I'm a taken man. Somebody else has already claimed all of this.

(MOTIONS TO HIMSELF)

It would be such a shame, if some one else would try to snatch this all up.

MISSY

Give it up, shorty. I've shoveled piles bigger'en you.

HOWARD

Piles of what?

ALL THIS TIME SHELDON HAS BEEN CONTINUOUSLY STARING AT THE PHOTO AND PENNY. HE SPEAKS BEFORE MISSY GETS A CHANCE TO ANSWER HOWARD'S QUESTION

SHELDON

(BLINKING, SLOWLY COMING TO A REALIZATION)

Oh no...oh no...oh no...oh no...oh no...

SHELDON RUNS OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM SCREAMING. HE RUNS TO HIS BEDROOM AND SLAMS THE DOOR

SHELDON

(WHILE RUNNING OUT OF THE ROOM)

Oh no!

SCENE E

INT. HALLWAY TO SHELDON AND LEONARD'S ROOMS

(Sheldon, Howard, Penny, Missy)

MISSY, PENNY and HOWARD RUN DOWN THE HALLWAY AND STAND OUTSIDE SHELDON'S DOOR. MISSY, UNSUCCESSFULLY TRIES TO TURN THE DOORKNOB

MISSY

(TO PENNY AND HOWARD)

He locked it.

(YELL IN THROUGH DOOR FOR SHELDON)

Shelly!?

SHELDON

(ALSO THROUGH DOOR, DISTRESSED)

I told you to stop calling me that.

MISSY

Now, why you done locked yourself in this here room?

SHELDON

Go Away.

PENNY

Come out, Sheldon.

HOWARD

(UNCERTAIN BUT TRYING TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS)

Yeah...Sheldon...come out. You wouldn't want me ...to break this door down?

MISSY AND PENNY LOOK AT HOWARD IN DISBELIEF.

HOWARD

What? I'm an engineer. I know about momentum and leverage. I could break that door down easily if I hit it in the right area.

PENNY

Do you want to try?

HOWARD

Umm...not really.

(CHANGING THE TOPIC, SPEAKING TO MISSY)

Besides, I'm a lover not a fighter.

PENNY

I'll make sure Bernadette knows that.

HOWARD

(CAUGHT)

She...already knows.

SHELDON

(THROUGH DOOR)

Hello? We're talking to me.

MISSY

We're sorry Shelly, baby. Why don't you stop all this mess, and come on out and tell us what's bothering you.

Sheldon

No.

Penny

Whats the problem, Sheldon?

SHELDON

It's you, Penny.

PENNY

What?

SHELDON

It's you. You're not my Memaw.

PENNY

(CONFUSED AND SLOW)

Um, you're right Sheldon. I'm not your Memaw.

MISSY

(TO PENNY AND HOWARD)

I think I know whats going on. This is just like when the kids in school used to pick on Shelly. He would come home and lock himself in the room back then, also.

PENNY

But nobody is picking on Sheldon. So why is he so upset?

SHELDON

(THROUGH DOOR)

Because if my Memaw was anything like you, that would mean she is an imperceptive dullard.

PENNY

Wait, I may be wrong about this, but, is Sheldon calling me stupid?

Missy

I don't know.

MISSY AND PENNY LOOK AT HOWARD FOR THE ANSWER

HOWARD

(RELUCTANT)

Uh...yeah.

PENNY

(FURIOUS)

I'll knock down that damned door.

PENNY CHARGES THE DOOR AND STARTS POUNDING WITH HER FISTS

PENNY

Come on out of that room you uptight, big-word using, freak.

MISSY AND HOWARD PULL PENNY AWAY FROM THE DOOR

MISSY

(TO PENNY)

Calm down, darling. Once a cat is scared up a tree. Scaring him more won't won't get him down.

HOWARD

Now ain't that some down home wisdom.

PENNY

So how do you suggest we get him out?

MISSY

(MATTER-OF-FACT)

We need some tuna.

HOWARD

Wait, I'm a little lost. I don't know if you're speaking colorful southern language or do we need actual tuna.

MISSY

Well how else are we 'sposed to get the cat out that tree, silly?

MISSY PLAYFULLY SHOVES HOWARD. HOWARD GOES REELING BACKWARDS

MISSY

(TO PENNY AND HOWARD)

Here, watch.

(TO THE DOOR)

Shelly, honey, do you want to go get an ice cream sundae?

SHELDON

(CHILDISH)

No.

MISSY

We can put gummie bears and jimmies on it...

HOWARD

(TO PENNY)

Jimmies?

PENNY

It's southern, for sprinkles.

SHELDON

(WARMING UP A BIT)

Maybe.

MISSY

And after we get the sundae, we can go for a ride on the train.

ALMOST IMMEDIATELY SHELDON'S DOOR UNLOCKS AND HE COMES MARCHING OUT HIS ROOM PAST PENNY, MISSY AND HOWARD, TOWARDS THE LIVING ROOM

SHELDON

What are you waiting for? Lets go.

End of Act 2

Commercial Break

OUTRO- Scene F

INT. LEONARD AND SHELDON'S LIVING ROOM

(Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, Raj, Penny, Missy)

THE GANG IS GATHERED, AS SHELDON PLACES THE LAST PHOTO INTO THE SCRAP BOOK

SHELDON

And here we go...perfect.

Missy

Thanks for your help Shelly. Everything has turned out great.

MISSY TAKES THE SCRAP BOOK AND STARTS LEAFING THROUGH THE PAGES. HOWARD IS LOOKING OVER HER SHOULDER AT THE PHOTOS

HOWARD

And I still can't believe. The resemblance between Sheldon's Memaw and Penny.

LEONARD

Really?

LEONARD RUSHES OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE OF MISSY AND LEAN IN CLOSE TO TO GET A GOOD LOOK AT THE PHOTOS. RAJ IS STILL IN HIS BOW TIE AND IS HOLDING A BEER

Raj

Watch out Sheldon. I think Leonard has the hots for your Memaw.

(GIGGLES)

LEONARD

(DEFENSIVE)

I do not. That's just ridiculous.

Penny

So what are you saying? If I look like her, then you are saying that I'm not hot?

LEONARD

(STAMMERING)

Well, no...uh, yeah, oh I don't know. Screw this.

LEONARD WALKS OUT OF THE ROOM.

PENNY

Well Sheldon, I've seen current pictures of your Memaw, and I can only hope that I'm as attractive then as she is now.

SHELDON

(DISTURBED)

Will everyone please stop talking about how they think Memaw is attractive. Memaws aren't to be looked at in that way. That's why they're Memaws.

PENNY

Well I know I'm going to be a good looking Memaw.

SHELDON

Well Penny, there is one thing that I can say.

PENNY

Oh yeah, whats that?

SHELDON

That when you have kids, and those kids have kids. Your grandson...he's going to be a genius.

End Of Episode


End file.
